Why Forgiveness is Powerfully Positive
In all of our lives, not one of us can escape the curve balls that will come our way. Sometimes, those curveballs come in the form of someone hurting us, intentionally or unintentionally. It's natural to feel anger, resentment, or even hatred towards the person who wronged you. It’s also natural that we tend to want to hold on to our feelings of righteous anger, especially if our hurt is deeply felt. But holding onto these feelings can also be like carrying a heavy load on our backs – it will eventually weigh us down and hinder our ability to move forward. It will, over time, erode our good nature and allow bitterness to seep in. This is where forgiveness can be powerfully effective.
Forgiveness is really about “letting go” of our emotional upset. It does not mean we will forget the experience, or condone the action, or say what happened was acceptable, but forgiveness can help in our healing process.
Forgiveness of someone’s actions cannot be forced. It is a process that can take a short or a long time, or even years to come to a sense of peace with the experience; and for some people, it may never happen at all.
Based on my own experience, I see that I actually have a choice to forgive or not, especially when I am now more aware that holding onto resentment is detrimental to my peace of mind. When I have not let go of a grudge, I won’t experience the same degree of open heartedness and inner quietness I need to have for my day to flow well.
The Benefits of Forgiveness
We each will have our own path of forgiving and letting go, and when we can to do this, there are many benefits, which is why forgiveness can be so powerfully positive. Here are some of those benefits:
Our health is holistic, and carrying the psychological and emotional burden of resentment affects our overall physical health. Practicing forgiveness allows you to reduce the stress of carrying that inner weight by releasing those held back emotions, to bring you more relaxation and peacefulness.
If you are feeling resentment towards someone you’ve been in a close relationship with, and the relationship has been badly injured, then it can be a choice to consider forgiveness and look to creating better boundaries. Doing this can potentially pave the way for healing and reconciliation, if that is a desired outcome for both. If not, then again, your peace of mind and a sense of improved health will ultimately prevail and that will be a great gift to yourself!
Your sense of well-being, your self-esteem will improve because forgiveness puts you in charge of the situation within yourself. You are no longer at the mercy of the memory of the injury; you are not being controlled by pain and resentment. You have moved through it and overcome it.
Why Practicing forgiveness is important?
Practicing forgiveness in dissolving past feelings of hurt, anger and sadness takes time. Here are some suggestions that can help:
Be honest and acknowledge all the feelings you have about what has happened. If journaling helps dislodge those thoughts and feelings, or if discussing what happened with a trusted friend or a counsellor will help, then that’s a good plan. This inner work can be hard, but it takes more energy to hold all your feelings in, at the cost of your health, than to eventually allow your feelings of hurt, anger and sadness to come out.
If it is possible to understand the other person’s perspective about why they behaved as they did, this can also be valuable; and although additional understanding is not meant to excuse hurtful behaviour, it can allow for some compassion.
Above all, try being kind, caring and compassionate towards yourself whenever you can with whatever has happened in your life. No criticism or judgments, only learning.
Conclusion:
In sum, when you are ready, without pressuring yourself to forgive, to let go of those feelings that no longer serve you, you may find that forgiveness and acceptance of one another, as well as of ourselves, comes to mind more often. It first comes as a gentle thought that you will recognize. And, if we can become less incumbered by resentment and grudges, more feelings of love and care for ourselves will arise, and your life will flow easier with more positive changes taking you forward.
Barbara Halcrow
Barbara believes that by offering ourselves more care and self-nourishment we will gain in personal strength and resilience. In this way, we can create swifter, positive changes in our lives, and we can also positively affect the lives of others.
Don’t forget to have your own “recess time” and add play to your day!
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